Mar 13

Mar 13 Letters on Social Media #14

A woman looks at her smart phone with a dispassionate expression. One arm is stretched out in front of her, holding the phone. She rests her chin on the other arm.

Just putting it out there

that I will no longer be liking pictures of bread. Nothing personal. Yasmin X

A young woman is standing with her phone in both hands as she stares at it with an expression that mixes sadness with boredom.

David,

can you possibly tell me why I spent about an hour yesterday putting together a multi-part “explainer” for Twitter on the technical aspects of an institution that I don’t care about and which will never ever affect me? I’d really be very grateful. Tx

A young woman in a shop holds a load of clothes with one arm. Her other hand holds her phone up, and she looks at it with her lips sucked inwards, as if worrying about a fairly sad problem.

My friend always

does one of those great big colourful Happy Birthday announcements, complete with multiple photos, for every member of our friendship circle except me. How should I pretend to be in order to be more ‘loveable’ and social media friendly? :(

A woman lies on her front on her bed, legs kicked upwards. She is propped up on her elbows and looking at her phone with an expression of bemusement.

Is this just me?

When people unfollow me on Twitter, I go through this weird checklist that starts with shame and panic and ends with blame and judgement. E.g. Firstly, I worry about what I’ve written, so I check. Then I worry if I’ve accidentally ‘liked’ something problematic, so I check that too. After I’ve satisfied myself that I’ve not done anything out of line with my usual online behaviour, I presume they’re probably a transphobe or a Tory.

A woman sits sideways on her sofa with her knees up and one arm resting on the back of the sofa. Her head rests on her hand. In her other hand she holds her phone and looks at it in distress.

You would not believe

how great a morning I was having! I was so proud. Then I went on Instagram and within two minutes someone’s post had made me panic and now I’m stressed out and I don’t think there’s any way back . . .

Letters on Social Media is a humorous series of fictional letters that aims to explore some of the ways our fragile human minds are ill-equipped to cope with the world of digital communication.

Plans are afoot to turn Letters on Social Media into a micro-podcast. If you would like to record yourself reading one of the letters, I’d be delighted. Just get in touch via the Contact page or via my social media, and I’ll let you know which letters are available.

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